April 25, 2002 - regret of the day ----> year
music: reflection eternal "love language"
my sp friends made me feel angry and sad again... its the new sierra staff selection process... and for some reason im really mad at them for something they did. i guess they don't realize how privileged they are and that it makes me feel really jealous. i once again see how hard it is to feel that you weren't selected as an sp. if i could only tell them how much i wanted to be in their shoes. yea... the interview process right now reminded my anguish after i had to do that sigep thing and not be able to finish my sp interview. should have taken the road less traveled... and not through sigep... i knew it was trouble/anguish right when it started. caren was right... "why be thrown into something you don't even like?"
i realized why i was in that hall so much. not that i liked an sp (i like her, but i don't know if i can be able to talk to her because i don't know... ask me later), but that i think i had so much love for that hall that i didn't want to just leave that place after school ended last year. i just couldn't let go of it and what it stood for. even if i told myself that i was over being an sp, i guess subconciously my brain was telling me that i still wanted it.
you can tell that my blog entry is kinda sad... its just taking me to the past and telling myself "i shouldda, couldda, wouldda..."
bah. sulking won't do any good... but on a lighter note... i rocked the chem1C midterm... 61/65 and the mean was a 39. but i still will shun myself from sierra. why? idk... but it seems like the best thing to do right now... i must take myself away from them.
~ja matte!
April 09, 2002 - broden your horizons!!
music: jimmy eat world "sweetness" | vanessa carlton "a thousand miles"
well... i haven't updated this thing in a while... but w/ good reason :P. about a week ago i returned my hard drive to IBM (finding the packaging to send the damn thing was a different story), and in about 10ish days i should get a new HD sent to me. the piece of hardware was making head-crashing noises... imagine hearing kinda chalkboard scratching (kinda) type sounds coming from your computer... yea its scary. so these past couple of days i've been using webmail@uci and people's computers. its exciting, but i also really miss a working computer.
i had the longest talk w/ hunaid, then solomon a couple of days ago. it was a good talk... one of the talks that we never had in a while, and in the end, i was relieved and better. can't tell y'all what's it about, cause its hella confidential. sorry. we talked from like 3AM to 5AM.
then the next day we had the board meeting and then the HSO programs commite met to finish up on the programs... i surprised myself that i actually made a good design (see title page in HSO program) in about an hour. on another person's computer, too. :) but we finished at about 5AM... that makes two all nighters in a row. the night after i think i was acting a little delerious, and probably scared a couple of my good friends. sorry guys... lack of sleep :(.
on monday i finished school early so i could go back home home... that day was my mom's b'day, and so i went home to get a cake from goldilocks and some ensaymadas (yum!)... my papa got some fried catfish (yum yum!) and i feasted... i went back home and then came hso...
...yes hso... that was today. i figured in the morning that i would be on campus for at least 11 hours. hso->japanese->puso g.meeting->chem 1LC lab... ugh... longest, yet it turned out to be funner than i thought. i got to see a reach workshop, see jill young (yay!) serve unwillingly to some 9-11th graders, figure out how to "work" the puso video camera, run around campus, almost get shocked by an electrical outlet, and even scored w/ a kickin' hso shirt! for japanese, i felt kinda ahead, cause the substitute teacher was kinda really slow... so i rocked the class... but it was great when i saw anil and dre and aileen go to the puso meeting (3 pts.!) and then seeing people actually volunteering for the wayzgoose/puso (crazybuku)hella fun day! that really made my day cause this meeting i was really afraid i would get the same turnout of volunteers (mm gala coords) but i had 4 for each! yay! and then on my chem lab, i met two really nice girls (of course they're cute!) and helped them out... which, imo is really really pimp... AND i found out that there was another vince in my lab... its VERY rare to have more than one vince in a class... and i was stoked to have another vince in class... woohoo! AND, to top it off, right when i came back home, andy richter came on! score!
well, its off to bed for me... sooo tired...
~ja matte!
March 27, 2002 - vegas, baby, VEGAS!
music: usher "you don't have to call" ('s okay girl!)
only when you think life can't get any better (or more tiring), it gets better. in the beginning, i thought that this spring break would be not-so busy, but i have the whole week tied up... grr its just like school, only w/o the school.
i just had my pusoboard retreat. where? VEGAS, baby! i thought that Connect-16 (that's what we call ourselves) wouldn't have as much bonding as we did in the winter retreat since it is the city of sin, but we did. our business ran all the way from 12:00 pm to about 3:00 am... longest time ever being stuck in a hotel room w/ a bunch of people and talking to one another. we also had that one (sierra related) game where we had to say what body part we loved about a person and then kiss that body part... the only thing was that instead of kissing, we put heart stickers on the part... which is just as good. but i gotta tell you, when you're stuck with the same people for a weekend, everyone gets a lot closer... even when alcohol isn't involved.
during that whole week, i felt like a glutton - i ate so much that many times when i felt hungry i was still full... and still ate food... and as a consequence, during business i was full of gas and full of stomach-hurtin (it was that time of month again)... i also tried my hand on some slots... no one really carded me, so that was good... but i lost like 20 bucks and won like 7 bucks... -13 ain't that bad... it was fun.
as of last weekend, my life was starting to brighten up:
1. i really felt like i did an awesome job on finals week.
2. i found my grades for bio96 and chem1LB (B and B+ respectively) and those grades were heaven-sent.
3. i actually got to help some people on their schoolwork - something that i haven't done in years.
4. having dinners w/ friends and family is always good.
5. my lil bro is gonna register at uc irvine!
6. and i get to do that secret thing for his kairos :).
7. sleep is good.
so what else do i need to do?
1. get that HD sent to IBM for a replacement.
2. try and get that place for puso hella fun day.
3. go to the bbq and tv taping.
4. apply for that wells fargo job (that my parents so want me to get).
5. go to the taps daygo retreat.
6. fold those clothes.
7. celebrate easter (if i can).
8. write that *letter*.
all in one week... and its supposed to be spring break... sooner or later, my brain will explode.
i was informed by one of my friends that i think i let out my secret a litte too much to the public... its should be known to the C-16 group though... i trouble it the cat would be let out of the bag (which is bad, b/c i get a reaction to cats). sometimes, when you're a little tired and you're in a car trip, some secrets become revealed to people... and some people may not have the tendency to keep those secrets secret. unlucky for me i didn't realize it after i said my secret out loud in the "oh god, the driver told us she's blind" car to vegas. luckily for me, my secret wasn't let out again on the "woo woo!" car cause that would have been two tsismis people knowing my thoughts... what's the secret im talking about? i said it before, so i won't say it again... the ones that were there know what secret it is.
~but i do really feel good. in a liberating, nostalgic, independent kinda way... yeah.
~ja matte! (shout out to the "woo woo!" car... it was totally smashing.
